REVIEW: Dark Shadows

Courtesy of Warner Bros.

For over two decades, the partnership between Tim Burton and Johnny Depp has resulted in some phenomenal movies and iconic characters. But nobody’s perfect; the two have also had their share of misfires. Dark Shadows, their eighth collaboration, falls somewhere in the middle. That’s a disappointing place for them to be, as I’m sure they’d rather succeed wildly or fail spectacularly than produce something average.

Granted, they were working from some wobbly source material to begin with. The horror comedy is based on the notoriously campy soap opera that ran from 1966 to 1971, it and incorporates the cult classic’s most over-the-top elements. Still, this feels like it should’ve been an easy home run for the duo. Instead, they settle for a single by trying to please both diehard fans and mainstream audiences. It results in a halfhearted effort that probably won’t satisfy either demo.

Depp plays the story’s most famous character, a centuries-old vampire named Barnabas Collins. He wasn’t always a monster – he was once the privileged heir of a powerful family who built a fishing empire on the Maine coast. But Barnabas made the mistake of falling in love. In order to pursue his heart’s desire, a beautiful girl named Josette DuPres (Bella Heathcote), he had to end things with Angelique Bouchard (Eva Green), the girl he was involved with at the time.

Bad move. Turns out that Angelique was a witch, and in rapid succession she made Josette throw herself off a cliff, transformed Barnabas into a vampire and convinced the townspeople to bury him alive. Hell hath no fury and all that…

Fast-forward to 1972, when Barnabas is set free thanks to some bumbling construction workers. He returns to his beloved estate, only to find it falling apart and inhabited by his dysfunctional descendants. There’s Elizabeth Collins Stoddard (Michelle Pfeiffer), who finds out Barnabas is a vampire almost immediately but promises to keep his secret, and her teenage daughter Carolyn (Chloe Grace Moretz). There’s also Elizabeth’s deadbeat brother (Johnny Lee Miller) and his young son (Gulliver McGrath) who’s still traumatized by the recent death of his mother.

Throw in a caretaker (Jackie Earle Haley), a live-in psychiatrist (Helena Bonham Carter) and a nanny (Heathcote again) who looks remarkably like Barnabas’ lost love, and you’ve got a mansion full of crazies that give even a vampire pause. He decides to restore the business and his family name, but one thing stands in his way. That would be Angie, the industry titan who runs the town. Oh, and she also happens to be the witch who cursed Barnabas all those years ago.

Burton nails the filmmaking aspects he can do in his sleep at this point: the visuals are gothic and beautiful and fantastic, the makeup is top-notch and the CGI suggests a make-believe world that isn’t overtly cartoonish. Plus, there’s a wildly entertaining retro soundtrack.

Clearly the plot offers plenty of opportunities for melodrama, and most of the performers seemed delighted to show off their deliberately cheesy soap opera acting. Depp is great as Barnabas, mourning the loss of his humanity and showing real regret at having to turn his fellow townspeople into meals. But he’s also really funny, getting the best one-liners and delivering insults with a wonderfully convoluted and aristocratic vocabulary.

Green (who somehow manages to remain alluring even in her creepy Burton-villain makeup) matches Depp’s intensity with her ferocious performance. The scenes they share are – by far – the best part of the movie due to their absolutely sizzling chemistry. As Angie, the actress is sexy and revolting at the same time. Sounds weird, but it’s true. The character’s unquestionably evil, but Green instills her with such magnetism that you can’t help but be intrigued.

Pfeiffer is the other actress that knows exactly what kind of movie she’s in, giving each of her lines a histrionic tenor that just begs to be heard in conjunction with cheesy organ music. There’s even a clever scene involving Elizabeth and Barnabas that points that out.

Unfortunately, the screenplay by Seth Grahame-Smith (from a story by him and John August) doesn’t really give the other characters much to do. They stand around and get a few funny lines, but they mostly disappear from the proceedings for large chunks of the flick’s running time. When they come back, it’s usually to reveal an out-of-nowhere plot twist (Moretz) or to be shoved in a taxi and driven out of the story (Miller).

The endeavor seems to have overwhelmed Grahame-Smith, as the script either forgets about intriguing subplots (Josette’s ghost trying to communicate with the nanny) or abruptly moves on from them (Barnabas and the psychiatrist). I understand he’s probably alluding to the soap opera’s rapidly changing storyline, but a 30-minute sudser and a two-hour movie are two very different animals.

I enjoyed certain parts of Dark Shadows and laughed really hard at several jokes, but the film doesn’t work as a whole. Instead, it feels like a series of loosely connected skits. The combined talents of Burton and Depp could’ve made this something special, but I guess they’ll have to try for that on their inevitable next project.

Dark Shadows is rated PG-13 for comic horror violence, sexual content, some drug use, language and smoking.

Grade: C