 |
| Courtesy of New Line |
That’s the
biggest problem with Rock of Ages, the new ‘80s hair band musical starring
Tom Cruise. It attempts to jump straight to the stage of ironic midnight
screenings packed with costumed fans, rather than trying to simply be a good
movie first. Campiness can’t be created that easily.
At least
director Adam Shankman (who helmed the vastly superior Hairspray musical),
along with screenwriters Justin Theroux, Chris D’Arienzo and Allan Loeb, let
you know up front what kind of experience you’re getting. It’s 1987, and
Sherrie Christian (Julianne Hough) is headed to Los Angeles to become a famous
singer. As the bus gets closer to her destination, Sherrie and her fellow
passengers break into a Six Flags revue take on Night Ranger’s “Sister
Christian.”
Too
on-the-nose? Absolutely. And unless you find that hilarious, you’re in for an
exhausting two hours. Anyway, Sherrie arrives in L.A. and immediately falls in
love with a bartender/fellow aspiring singer named Drew (Diego Boneta), who
gets her a waitressing job at the club where he works. The club’s owner (Alec
Baldwin) and manager (Russell Brand) are preparing for the upcoming Arsenal
concert, the band’s final show before lead singer Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise)
embarks on a solo career.
Throw in
Jaxx’s sleazy manager (Paul Giamatti); a Rolling Stone reporter (Malin Ackerman);
the new mayor (Bryan Cranston) and his Jaxx-hating wife (Catherine Zeta-Jones);
and a soulful strip club owner (Mary J. Blige), and you’ve got the other players
in this oddball rock opera.
The
movie’s “plot” is nothing but two-dimensional characters who exist solely to
set up an obvious musical number, generally with painful expository dialogue. (“Stacee
Jaxx is performing at your club? The guy who got his start here before he
became the biggest rock star on the planet?” Cue Joan Jett’s “I Love Rock ’n Roll”)
I chuckled and went with it, but I can see how it could drive other moviegoers
insane.
Mostly, Rock of Ages ended up being good at one thing: sending me on an hours-long
iTunes expedition once I got home. The characters’ renditions of songs by Def
Leppard, Foreigner, Journey, Poison, etc. sound like they’re from a mediocre
episode of Glee. But with each tune the characters belted out, I kept
thinking, “Hey, I remember that song…I’m going to download the original
version.”
Performance-wise,
most actors are either bored or wildly miscast. The only bright spots are Brand,
who’s genuinely entertaining, and Cruise, who appears to be in his own bizarre,
fascinating short film, only occasionally wandering into the same story as
everyone else.
If you’re
a musical theater geek (like myself) or a sucker for cheesy ’80s hair bands, Rock of Ages might be worth a matinee. For everyone else, there’s not much to
recommend.
Rock of Ages is rated PG-13
for sexual content, suggestive dancing, some heavy drinking and language.
Grade: C-
Comments
Post a Comment