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| Courtesy of Universal |
Last
weekend, the remake trend continued unabated as three updated versions of popular
’80s movies hit local theaters. Since it was also close to Valentine’s Day and
I’m not a dummy, my wife got to choose what I’m reviewing this week. She’s not
an action fan, so RoboCop was out. She also has an aversion to f-bombs, so we
quickly scratched the Kevin Hart-starring About Last Night off the list.
That
left Endless Love, a modern adaptation of Scott Spencer’s unsettling 1979 novel.
I’d always heard the author wasn’t happy with Hollywood’s first stab at his
story, the sappy melodrama that gets partial credit for Brooke Shields’ stardom
(The Blue Lagoon came first) and total blame for that dreadful Lionel Richie/Diana
Ross duet. Spencer was disappointed because it scrubbed almost all the darkness
away from his creepy story of obsessive young love.
Poor
guy. The 1981 version is probably a beacon of artistic fidelity compared to the
update, which is essentially what would happen if The CW decided to make a Nicholas
Sparks rip-off using bored models they talked out of quitting their Abercrombie
jobs. Granted, I’m nowhere close to the film’s target demo, so I approached the
experience like a researcher in the wild.
Here
are my findings from the field: my wife liked it a lot and the teen girls in
the theater were squealing their heads off. Take that as a recommendation or a
warning, depending on your entertainment preferences. I’ll admit that I didn’t
completely hate it thanks to some compelling supporting performances that
overshadow the cardboard cutout leads.
Alex
Pettyfer (the least interesting element of Magic Mike) stars as David Elliot,
the clichéd lower middle class kid with a heart of gold. He’s been pining after
rich girl Jade Butterfield (Gabriella Wilde) for years, but after high school
graduation it appears he’s out of luck. That is, until a chance encounter at
her parents’ country club. (I know, right? What are the odds?)
Her
family is celebrating her prestigious new internship and he’s the valet who parks
their car. There’s an immediate spark between them (at least the movie says there
is) and Jade decides a fling with David is exactly what she needs to make up
for all those wasted years studying instead of having fun.
That’s
a big problem for Jade’s father (Bruce Greenwood), a workaholic doctor still
grieving the death of his oldest son and bullying his daughter into his chosen
career. Even though the rest of the family (Joley Richardson and Rhys
Wakefield) adores Jade’s new boyfriend, her dad can’t understand what she sees
in the son of a lowly auto mechanic (Robert Patrick) with no dreams of college
or a high-paying job.
So
he does his best to sabotage the relationship, which is always a great idea.
The two kids realize he’s right – they come from different worlds, so they
should get on with their lives. Nah, I’m just kidding. The rest of the movie is
pretty people looking sad while whiny pop music plays in the background.
I’ll
admit I’m being overly snarky and cynical about a watchable, albeit exceedingly
bland, teen melodrama. Especially since the running time flies by thanks to Greenwood’s
clear delight at the chance to play a moustache-twirling villain who gets to chew
scenery and glare menacingly at everyone. He all but ties his daughter to a set
of railroad tracks.
I also
appreciated the rare opportunity to see Patrick in a non-villain role. The guy
who will always be remembered as the liquid metal Terminator is terrific as
David’s dad, a guy who dearly loves his son and wants to protect him from a
world he knows is unfair. I still don’t think the world needed a new version of Endless Love, but at least a casting director might see it and hire Patrick for
a similar role in a better movie.
The
two veteran character actors, along with Dayo Okenyi (who serves as the flick’s
much-welcome comic relief), are great at distracting viewers from the charisma-free
leads. Pettyfer and Wilde are undeniably easy on the eyes, but I don’t think
either of them needs to worry about practicing an acceptance speech in the near
future.
Endless
Love is rated PG-13 for sexual content, brief partial nudity, some language
and teen partying.
Grade:
C
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