BLU-RAY REVIEW: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Courtesy of Disney

Has there been a mega-budget Hollywood franchise that has squandered audience goodwill faster than the Pirates of the Caribbean series? The original (Curse of the Black Pearl) was an entertaining surprise, and it earned Johnny Depp a well-deserved Best Actor nomination for creating the iconic Jack Sparrow. I enjoyed Dead Man’s Chest and At World’s End much more than other critics, but time hasn’t been kind to them.

The less said about On Stranger Tides the better. I think the most damning thing I can say about it is that I literally forgot I owned the Blu-ray. It sat on a shelf in my office for six years before I even realized it was there.

Still, the movies keep making a ton of money for Disney, so it was only a matter of time before the studio paid Depp the equivalent of a third-world country’s gross domestic product to put on the eyeliner again for Dead Men Tell No Tales. The result is, like most blockbusters created solely from a financial motivation, less than stellar. However, compared to the last outing, it’s a slight improvement.

The story is ludicrous, and the new characters make almost no impression. But the Blu-ray is gorgeous and the screenplay, credited to Jeff Nathanson, does it’s best to allow the saga to limp across the finish line. Sure, there’s a post-credit scene that hints at a future sequel, but who are they kidding? This is the end of the line until the inevitable reboot.

Like previous installments, trying to sum up the plot of Dead Men Tell No Tales would be an exercise in madness. Suffice it to say that young Henry Turner (Brenton Thwaites) is searching for the Trident of Poseidon, a legendary artifact that allows the person who possesses it to have total control over the seas and break any previous ocean-based curse.

Along his journey, he meets the enchanting Carina Smyth (Kaya Scodelario), a young woman whose love of science means her fellow townspeople have branded her a witch, as well as a certain drunk pirate who sounds a lot like Keith Richards. This unlikely trio soon encounters familiar faces like Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) and new enemies including the ghostly Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem) and a dogged British officer named Scarfield (David Wenham).

It’s great to see familiar faces again, although Depp is obviously just here for the paycheck – the wily, mischievous Sparrow of the original film died long ago, replaced by a drunken cartoon. This time around, Rush is the movie’s not-so-secret MVP. Barbossa is in an interesting position when viewers see him again, and he gets a surprisingly emotional character arc. I found myself getting a little choked up when he gets his big moment during the climax, something I didn’t expect at all. Bardem is clearly having a blast chewing some scenery, but the feeling isn’t mutual.

Even though I wouldn’t dream of spoiling the movie’s big surprises, I admit they’re a little underwhelming. For example, when we eventually reconnect with a character we’ve been waiting the entire movie to see, it’s clear all the actors involved shot their scenes separately. The character in question doesn’t even have any dialogue. It’s a weird moment to end the movie on.

Still, I suppose it could’ve been a lot worse. At least the franchise didn’t end with the abysmal On Stranger Tides. This one isn’t a vast improvement, but we can at least close out the series on a somewhat decent note.

Special features: “Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Making of a New Adventure” (a series of behind-the-scenes featurettes), bloopers and deleted scenes.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is rated PG-13 for sequences of adventure violence, and some suggestive content.

Grade: C+