This franchise needs to go extinct
Film critic Jason Evans is on a mission to tell you
everything you need to know about movies faster than a raptor hunting its prey.
His reviews are exactly 100 words long (99 is not enough but 101 is too much).
Here is his 100-word review of Jurassic World: Dominion.
The Premise: Set several years after the events of Jurassic
World: Fallen Kingdom, mankind is struggling to deal with the reality of dinosaurs
living amongst us. One corporation, Biosyn Genetics, has been given the right
to collect and protect all the dinosaurs. Paleobotanist Dr. Ellie Sadler (Laura
Dern) think Biosyn is up to no good because genetically engineered giant
locusts are destroying crops all over the world. She enlists her former
boyfriend, Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neill), to help prove Biosyn is behing the giant
locusts. When they get to Biosyn, they find that Dr. Ian Molcolm (Jeff
Goldblum) is working there as an ethicist, advising the company. Meanwhile, Owen
Grady (Chris Pratt) and Claire Denning (Bryce Dallas Howard) are hiding out in
the wilderness, trying to keep anyone from discovering that they are raising
Maisie Lockwood, the world’s first human clone created using the same technology
that brought back to the dinosaurs. All the main character’s paths begin to
intersect though, when Biosyn attempts to kidnap Maisie.
The 100 Words: Overly long and actively stupid, it feels
like this script was written by 8 different writers who had no idea what the
others were doing. Things happen because that’s what the movie needs to happen,
not because any of it makes sense. The dinosaurs look cool and the action is
mostly well choreographed, but again and again the monsters conveniently slow
down when the time comes to attack the main characters, removing any sense of actual
peril. There are really only 2 or 3 Jurassic films that are any good and this
may be the worst of all of them.
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