REVIEW: Ted

Courtesy of Universal

Seth MacFarlane is a divisive guy. The creator of Family Guy (and seemingly every other animated show on Fox not called The Simpsons) has a very distinct sense of humor that people either find hilarious or irritating. There doesn't seem to be a lot of middle ground with him.

He tends to find laughs in random cutaways, obscure pieces of old pop culture and running jokes into the ground until their sheer un-funniness somehow makes them funny again. In theory, anyway; again, it depends on who you ask.

Ted, MacFarlane's big screen directorial debut (which he also co-wrote with Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild), won't do much to change the opinions of his defenders or detractors. It's essentially a live-action version of one his cartoons, with all the comedic sensibility that implies. Take that as either a recommendation or a warning, whichever you prefer.

The movie is a twisted, vulgar and often hilarious take on those “child wishes his toy would come to life” tales that often permeate children’s entertainment. In this version, we witness how that kind of relationship would become demented and codependent once the kid reaches adulthood.

Mark Wahlberg stars as John Bennett, a guy whose favorite teddy bear somehow came to life when he was a kid, and the two have been best pals ever since. That was fine when John was 10, but now he’s 35 and Ted (voiced by MacFarlane) has become a crude, lecherous little creep.

To say that Ted is holding John back would be an understatement. Instead of starting a career, the guy is content working a dead-end job and spending the rest of his time lounging on the couch with his teddy bear. The situation eventually becomes so pathetic that Lori (Mila Kunis), John’s way-out-of-his-league girlfriend, is forced to deliver an ultimatum: either Ted moves out or they break up. As you might imagine, things do not go smoothly for anyone involved.

Like most of MacFarlane’s work, Ted is extremely hit-or-miss. The gags fly nonstop and they land with varying degrees of success. Several bits had me in tears, while others had me groaning and rolling my eyes. Honestly, the sheer volume of jokes is astounding, so it’s probably not fair to complain that every single one isn’t hysterical.

On the plus side, the shrewdest thing MacFarlane does is treat Ted’s transformation as a totally real phenomenon that initially amazes people (he even gets to meet Johnny Carson!) but quickly becomes old news. This allows the bear to interact with almost everyone in the story, and the characters get to act like a walking, talking, sexually-harassing stuffed animal is no big deal. There’s something inexplicably funny about that.

A lesser screenplay would’ve made Ted a figment of John’s imagination. Or he would only appear to John when no one else was around, allowing for a time-wasting subplot that raises the possibility that Wahlberg’s character is just insane. That’s been done countless times, and I’m glad MacFarlane plays the whole strange situation as completely legit.

As for performances, Ted furthers my ongoing belief that Wahlberg does his best work in weird, whacked-out comedies. He was the only good thing about the atrocious I Heart Huckabees, his small role in Date Night was one of that flick’s highlights and he almost managed to upstage Will Ferrell with his oddball antics in The Other Guys.

He continues his streak here by getting into brawls with a foul-mouthed teddy bear, wishing Lou Gehrig’s disease on a sleazebag and idolizing the guy who played Flash Gordon. Wahlberg’s bread and butter may be tough guy action roles, but he truly shines when he lets his freak flag fly.

MacFarlane is decent as Ted, but there’s no getting over the fact that he’s simply recycling his Peter Griffin voice from Family Guy. The flick attempts to brush it off by joking about the similarity, but I was never able to get past it. Kunis is funny and does what she can with the girlfriend role, but this is clearly a one-man/one-bear show.

There are also a number of amusing celebrity cameos that I won’t spoil, but Patrick Stewart deserves special attention as the film’s narrator. His droll delivery, combined with Walter Murphy’s bouncy score, instills the proceedings with a fractured fairy tale vibe that keeps things light even when the material takes a dark turn in the third act.

Ted is definitely funny, but it has a sick sense of humor that not everybody’s going to appreciate. And in case you haven’t figured it out by now, let me make something perfectly clear: leave the kids at home. Just because there’s a cute teddy bear doesn’t make the movie okay for children. Especially when the bear’s favorite word starts with “F” – and I don’t mean “fuzzy.”

Ted is rated R for crude and sexual content, pervasive language and some drug use.

Grade: B-