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| Courtesy of Warner Bros. |
Today’s
review, in which I finally nail down my take on the frustrating Batman v
Superman: Dawn of Justice, was originally supposed to run last week. However,
I had to push it back because I got hit with the flu.
At
first, I was angry because I had to sit on the sidelines during the opening conversations
about a highly anticipated blockbuster. But something interesting happened
between last Tuesday evening (when most reviews hit the web) and Sunday
afternoon (when I finally saw the movie for myself) that made me glad I had a
few days to process my thoughts.
Somehow,
the movie became a symbol for the power of fandom and the increasing
irrelevance of film criticism. One particularly frenzied thinkpiece from
Variety even compared the chasm of difference in the film’s huge financial
success and dreary critical reception to Donald Trump’s astonishing ability to
rise through the political ranks by “thumbing his nose at the status quo.” Yep,
looks like us grouchy, cynical movie critics have lost our ability to kill a
movie.
But
hang on a second. Did we ever have that power to begin with? And if so, why
weren’t we able to destroy that godawful Twilight franchise? Why are we
getting a fifth (!) Transformers movie next year? Also, when has any rational
person equated audience popularity and financial success with quality? We don’t
do that with food or music. Why does it apply to movies now?
Anyway,
it seems that talking about Batman v Superman in mixed company is now similar
to bringing up politics or religion. If that’s the case, I might as well be
honest. What strikes me most about the debate is that it’s far more interesting
than the boring movie everyone’s fighting over. People on both sides are
putting in far more passion, thought and creative expression than director Zack
Snyder, screenwriters Chris Terrio and David Goyer, or practically anyone else
involved with DC Films’ massive disappointment.
Batman
v Superman gets off on the wrong foot almost immediately by showing us yet
another interpretation of Batman’s origin story: young Bruce Wayne witnessing
his parents’ murder in an alley. This time around, though, Snyder makes the
bizarre choice to have Thomas Wayne take a swing at the mugger. Well, yeah – no
wonder they got shot.
From
there, in the first of countless head-scratching editing choices, we cut to the
now middle-aged Wayne (Ben Affleck) witnessing the devastation that occurs
during the climactic final battle in Man of Steel. You know the one: when
Superman (a bland Henry Cavill) and General Zod (Michael Shannon) level
Metropolis and kill thousands of people and then everyone pretends like it’s
fine?
Wayne
is, understandably, furious and vows to stop this destructive presence. For a
brief moment, things were looking up. It seemed like Snyder finally realized the
wrongheaded choices he made in his previous Superman movie, the ones that made
his title hero profoundly un-super, and decided to correct his mistakes.
Sadly,
that’s where the movie peaks in quality. What follows is a jumbled, hastily
assembled mixture of bad ideas. We get so-called heroes moping, acting
irrationally and barely helping people until Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot, the one
person who seems to be having fun) shows up and makes the third act interesting.
We see terrific actresses like Amy Adams and Diane Lane wasted as characters
who exist only to serve as damsels in distress.
We
also get a neurotic, villainous Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg, in an
extraordinarily baffling performance) who harbors unclear motives for executing
a confusing master plan. And, worst of all, there’s a ton of tedious,
momentum-killing setup for future movies that, aside from next year’s Wonder
Woman, I’m not really interested in seeing. It’s like Snyder, Terrio and Goyer
saw The Amazing Spider-Man 2 and thought it would be a perfect template for
their own movie.
There’s
a reason Marvel saves their Easter egg scenes for the end credits: so that the
primary narrative isn’t derailed by excess table setting. That way, the
audience sees them as fun bonuses instead of stuff they have to sit through
before Batman and Superman start punching each other. No lie, there are at
least two dream sequences in Batman v Superman that could’ve been completely
excised with no damage to the narrative whatsoever.
Fortunately,
the movie does have some positive elements, mainly Affleck’s genuinely great work.
I’ve always said that it’s easy to play Batman; the challenge is in playing
Bruce Wayne. That’s why Christian Bale’s interpretation of the character never
fully worked for me. Affleck nails Wayne’s smug rich guy persona as well as
Batman’s undying thirst for vengeance. As such, he’s my favorite actor to play
the role since Michael Keaton.
The
final half-hour is mostly engaging, but to get there you have to sit through countless
scenes where practically nothing important happens. Most of the movie consists
of characters scowling, bickering and looking at computer screens. Then, when
the entertaining titular bout happens, it’s tainted by the fact that our heroes
are only fighting because they were too dumb to realize the past two hours were
a setup.
The
worst part of Batman v Superman is imagining the conversation I’d have with
10-year-old me about it. Can you picture the look on his face if I told him he’d
eventually get to see his favorite superheroes together on the big screen, but
by the time it happened he’ll be too bored to care? Heartbreaking.
Batman
v Superman: Dawn of Justice is rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence
and action throughout, and some sensuality.
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