Messy, but kinda fun
Film critic Jason Evans has made it his mission to tell you everything
you need to know about movies in less time than it takes to shield your eyes
from a Michael Bay lens flare. His reviews are exactly 100 words long (99 would
be too short, but 101 is just excessive). Here is his 100-word review of Transformers:
Rise of the Beasts.
The Premise: The gigantic Unicron is a god who devours entire
planets. He wants to get the Transwarp Key so he can travel between universes
and consume even more life. The Maximals, who look like a combination between a
robot and an animal, are dedicated to protecting the Transwarp Key and several
of them go to Earth to hide it there. The
Key remains hidden for centuries, until it is discovered by a museum researcher
named Elena (Dominque Fishback from Judas and the Black Messiah). Meanwhile, we
meet Noah Diaz (Anthony Ramos from Hamilton, In The Heights, A Star is Born), a
down on his luck Army vet who wants to get a job. He accidentally stumbles across
several Transformers, including Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, and Mirage. Can the
Transformers and their human allies protect the Transwarp Key once Unicron
sends his most powerful henchmen after it? The film is directed by Stephen
Caple Jr. (Creed II) and features the voices of Pete Davidson, Ron Pearlman,
Michelle Yeoh, and Peter Dinklage.
The 100-Words: The fact that this flick isn’t a total nightmare is high praise considering most Transformer films are a wreck. I give Ramos and Fishback a lot of credit for injecting some decent acting and emotion into their characters. The first half of the movie was pretty watchable, but it soon devolves into a typical Transformers mess of confusing jargon and dizzying CGI action. While die-hard fans are no doubt thrilled to have their toys back, I doubt anyone who hasn’t sat through 3 or 4 of these in the past will have much of an idea what they are watching.
NOTE- stick around for a post-credit scene that sets up something pretty exciting that Hasbro and Paramount wants to do with this franchise.
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